Thursday, 17 May 2007

Home on the range

I write this from home, where I shall shortly move permanently, on the very snazzy iMac which currently graces the study desk. It's a beaut, but at the moment, since the study has become Editing Suite Extraordinaire while my brother is working on stuff for the band, there is the iMac screen, then another screen, then a tv all on the desk, so I feel a bit overwhelmed by technology! The weirdest thing is that I click on the safari icon on one screen and the window opens on another screen, and the mouse cursor moves between the two. Clever.

It's nice to be back, although I may feel the need to clean things in a while - my brother's flatmate is fastidious about his personal appearance but doesn't lift a finger otherwise, and consequently I am baulking a bit about having to clean my contact lenses in a bathroom where you can no longer tell what colour the tiles are! This current flatmate is moving out in the summer and a different guy, who just so happens to be the drummer in the band and a bit of a neat freak (hallelujah!) is moving in, so all will be well when I live here!

It's always nice to see my brother Stephen, and always interesting to see what he looks like - he changes something every couple of weeks! I understand that he has to be on trend for the type of music they play, but I still find it very entertaining that he knows more about hair than I do! He's starting to get recognised now - we went to pick up a copy of a music magazine in which there is a very glowing review of the band, and some girl gave him her email address, which was weird but good!

Anyway, I like to have the chance to catch up on band developments, fashion changes and things when I'm home, but on this particular occasion he had a slightly disturbing tale to tell...

(You should know, my brother is not ugly. In the slightest. He has never even seen the ugly tree, whereas I clipped a few branches on the way's ok, I'm fine with it, I got the brains, he got the braun!)

Part time, Stephen works late shifts in a busy bar/club in town in order to fund his developing rock-and-roll lifestyle (!!). Mostly these shifts go off without a hitch, but recently, he was working on a pretty quiet bar, mainly serving two American men. He wasn't alone, there was another female staff member, who was chatting to the men too.

As the night progressed, they chatted to these two guys while serving other people. Then one of the guys calls my brother over to a quiet corner of the bar and beckons him to listen:

GUY: So what time do you get off work?
STEPHEN: 4am. Why?
G: Want to make some money?
[I have sussed what's going on already - naive brother has no idea]
S: Sure, doing what?
G: You know where the ****** hotel is?
S: Yeah...(getting suspicious)
G: Well, you could meet me there.
S: But why?
G: We could, you know, fool around and stuff.
S: (horrified) NO WAY!!!!!!
G: Oh, ok, how about for £100?
S: NO WAY!!!
G: Ok, is that not enough? How about £200?
S: No, I don't think you understand me, I said NO WAY!!
G: Oh, sorry, £300?
S: (growing more horrified by the second) What part of NO WAY do you not understand?!
G: Oh, right, ok.

[Guy exits, Stephen relays the story, traumatised, to his colleague. Shift forwards a few hours, the men are about to leave...]

Guy: How about £400?
S: (verging on GBH) NOOOOOOO WWWAAAAAAYYYYYY!!, I was so horrified! If I'd been in the bar I would have said (after I had knocked the guy senseless for hitting on my straight-as-an-arrow brother, oh my word) that solicitation is illegal in this country and I'd take his £400 as payment for not shopping him to the fuzz!

My word! Once I'd got over the horror, it was actually pretty funny, but what was even funnier was the look on Stephen's face as he was saying, 'but I was just being nice, why do people not understand that I'm just being nice?!'

So that was the main shocker of the day, but also the main hilarity! Poor kid, apparently it's not the first time he's been hit on by a guy and not had a clue what's going on, it seems that it's not possible to look individual and still convince people that you don't paddle the kayak that way!

Back to uni tomorrow, final

Wish me luck!

1 comment:

Elaine said...

Oh dear, that's hilarious!! I can just see his face...